Ask Anna – My manager is so unprofessional

Dear Anna,

I work with a manager who is really unprofessional. She doesn’t pay attention when I talk to her, misses what I say, and then gets mad at me about it. I’m using all my patience not to get angry with her when she “gives me feedback” that doesn’t make any sense and just focuses on things I am already doing. I’m at the point where I just want to quit my job. Is there anything else I can do?

HK

Dear HK,

It’s really very draining to work with someone who you don’t get along with. To unlock the stalemate here, consider this:

1. You can’t change your manager.
2. You can change yourself.
3. Some of this in your control, but not all of it.
4. Again, you are not fully in control.
5. She doesn’t think the way you do. She knows and understands things you don’t.
6. You don’t think the way she does. You know and understand things she doesn’t.
7. If you had to tell the story of what was happening here in the third person (“the manager said this and then the employee said that), what is the most balanced story representing both points of view?
8. What might her view of the world look like? How does she see this situation? How does she see herself in it?
9. If you were to assume that nothing you have done in the past will work in this situation, what new would you try?

Write me back and let me know what happened.